It's time tae think the unthinkable

        Ah know they meant well but it wis like the welcomin' committee fae hell. Ah wis glad when Bubba took Big Bob away wae him this mornin', that boy's face is trippin' him. He wis lucky tae get away wae just a fine. He needs a focus that boy an' it's no Iona. It's no me either.
        Jimmy's fussin' roond me like a mother hen, he's huddin' oan tae me like I'm an auld wummin' wae a gammie leg. And, he's worried aboot somethin.' Ah know him well enough by noo, he's definitely hidin' somethin' and no in a good way,  it's funny, efter one a ma pills ah dreamt that Jimmy hud brought hame a diamond ring, a big stoater it wis an' all, 'said he found it in the rubbish, wanted tae hand it in but the supervisor had taken a sickie so he brought it hame tae me.
        Anyway efter an hour wae that lot ah had a plan, it wis selfish ah know but ah wis goin' stir crazy wae aw their faces trippin' them. Of course Molly has been a god send, don't laugh she really has, ah jist wish Madonna would let me hug her, och, she'll come roond ah know, but it disnae stop it hurtin' wae ma wee lassie hidin' everytime ah look at her. Sometimes it just gets ye doon. It's the no knowin' . Ye know the future if there is a future. Anyway, listen tae me feelin' sorry fur masel' snap ootae it Scarlett!
        It wis great havin' the lassies roon', we managed tae put a few demons tae bed. That was until ah went an' dropped the bombshell. Molly took it bad, but ah knew she wid, how could ye think aboot helpin' tae end yer daughter's life? Theresa stepped in. At first ah wis delighted, Theresa of all people helping us oot in a crisis. I wis really comin' roond tae the idea of her changin' her spots efter all these years. Then ah goat tae thinkin' what if Theresa did me in jist so that she could take care ay Bubba? Is that terrible or were you all thinkin' the same? Of course ah couldnae help masel' Ah told Jimmy what me an' Theresa agreed, whit wis ah thinkin? Ah thought Jimmy wis gonnae kill that wee ned. Now ah know why he wis so up tight, he's gonnae be redundant. Jimmy loves that joab, oh ah know, the bins, who wid love the bins? Noo ah'm gonnae have him sittin' aroon' mopin'. Ah'll need tae think ay somethin fast.

It's a lottery

Okay I hear ye. The words I told ye so are ringin' in ma ears. You were right and ah wisnae. Everything wis goin' so well tae. Well that was until Theresa started the Slave auction. That woman wid depress a lottery winner. Look, ah know she means well but ah couldnae stand back and let her drone on. Ah think it wis the shock ay her actually wantin' tae raise money for charity that made me black oot.
       The rain didnae help either . Ah felt as if ah hud been slapped wae one ay thae sponges at the stall but ah wanted tae make an appearance, listen tae me, ye think ah wis a celebrity, anyway Nick Morrison was as good as his word ah'll gie him that. He put his money where his mouth is and he took a wet sponge right in the coupon. Ah know it's wrong but ah really enjoy seeing politicians gettin' a wee dose ay humility. Mind you his face didnae look as slapped as Robbie's. Ah don't know whit's up wae him but he's no lookin' too chipper.
       Dr Brodie wis funny, he said we must stop meetin' like this or at least ah think ah heard him say that. It might huv been the drugs. That man should start chargin' overtime.
       The truth is, ah'm really terrifed this thing is takin' over. You know when the  hospital staff are bein' that nice way aw the time, it's gettin' scary. Ah wish one ay the nurses wid tell me ah'm jist bein' a pain in the arse.  It wid gie me hope. Somethin' ah kin gie tae Jimmy tae keep him goin'. He neds tae be strong fur wee Madonna and Big Bob and the rest ay them, even Theresa.
Oh god here's one ay the nurses comin', she looks like she's just won the lottery. That's all ah need.
  

BALDY VERSUS THE WIG. ROUND ONE

Pink and gray; whit dye think? and no ah'm no goin' fur a bit part on 'The Steamie'.  Ah wis dreamin' again last night, ah seem tae be dae'in a lot of that the noo.  This time Dr Brodie wis chasin' me doon Montego street wae a pair ay scissors. He pointed tae ma stitches then he grabbed me roon' the neck an started cuttin' ma hair, then the polis turned up and took Big Bob away, ah remember the polis woman' turned intae the judge and sat on Big Bob and read him the riot act. Then she grabbed Big Bob's hair and it came away in a oner, he started laughin' an' aw, ah didnae think it wis very funny. Thank god ah woke up. One more night like that ... Ah think it might be the Chemo, either that or ah'm goin' doo lally . Maybe they should have examined ma heid at the clinic. That's the last thing ah need, men in white coats turnin' up at the hoose.
       Ah saw Ruth takin' wee Eilidh away tae the hospital. It made ma heart jump when ah heard the siren. The wee soul, she didnae look well at all, an' Ruth looked like death warmed up. Ah better get a card fur the wean, better still ah'll get her a wee toy.
       Well ye kin see ah wisnae up fur the survivor look at The Ship.  Ah stood fur ages  before I could pluck up the courage tae go oot.  Ah kept  goin' back an' lookin' in the mirror , praying ma wig wouldnae make a fool ay me, then ah said 'Buck up Scarlett, if Bruce Forsyth can get away wae wearin' a hair piece oan the telly then what dae you care?
     Raymond's been a wee star so he huz. Eileen wis ready tae launch intae a big speil in The Ship. That woman craves a crowd, she's worse than Lady Ga Ga that yin. Nick Morrison sucked the breath right ootae her when he came in and her gob wis shut. Still it wis a laugh in the pub and ah don't think Raymond wis complainin' aboot the extra punters. Well ah've opened ma mooth noo so ah better get on wae makin' this fund raising thing work . Ah'm jist hopin' ah don't let everybody doon. At least ma wig stayed on all night. One nil tae Scarlett.